Experimentation with drugs during adolescence is common. While adults are well aware of the dangers of drug use, teens and tweens frequently don't understand the link between their actions and the consequences of those actions. "That won't happen to me," is an all-too-common belief during adolescence.

Young people may be involved with drugs in various ways. Use of alcohol and/or tobacco at a young age increases the risk of using harder drugs later on. Some teens will experiment and stop, or continue to use 'mild' drugs occasionally, often without significant problems. Others will develop a dependency, progressing to more dangerous drugs and causing significant harm to themselves and perhaps others.

Teenagers use drugs for a number of reasons, including curiosity, because it feels good, to reduce stress ('escape'), to feel grown up or to fit in with their peers.

Teenagers at risk for developing serious alcohol and/or drug problems include those with a family history of substance abuse, those who are depressed, those with low self-esteem, and those who feel they don't 'fit in'.

The best way to steer your older child away from harmful habits is to take an active role in his or her life. Talk openly about the temptation to use drugs and explain your concern about your child starting something he or she cannot stop. Don't be afraid to use the first person, "I" or "we" when you talk, for example, "I really feel strongly that..." "We both think that..." Even if he or she appears not to care, your older child hears what you say and respects your opinion.

Bullying, harassment and suicide

In recent years, the Canadian media have covered a number of stories about young teens committing suicide due to bullying by their peers. Still other young people have been battered to death by their peers, following a history of harassment.

Harassment and bullying is becoming more common in schools. Two of the main reasons teens are bullied are appearance and social status. Bullies pick on those that they think don't fit in because of how they look (clothes, grooming, etc), how they act (teens who are shy or withdrawn are often targets), their race or religion, or perceived homosexuality.

Some bullies attack their victims physically, which can include anything from pushing or tripping to punching, hitting or sexual assault. Others attack verbally. For example, people in popular groups or cliques frequently target a person by excluding them or gossiping about them. They may also taunt or insult their victims (verbal bullying). Verbal bullying can also involve sending unkind or vicious instant or email messages or posting insults about a person on a website or in a blog. These practices are known as cyber-bullying and are becoming increasingly common among young people.

How can you tell if your teen or tween is being bullied? Most older children will not reveal to their parents that they are being bullied, because they are either ashamed, afraid of reprisals or feel that they can or should be handling the situation on their own. If the bullying involves personal name-calling, they may find this too humiliating to share with a parent. This is often the case when the name calling focuses on the young person's perceived homosexuality.

Many signs indicate that your older child is having a problem at school that could be bullying.

Bullying can cause teens and tweens to feel tense, anxious, and afraid. It may affect their concentration in school, and can lead them to avoid school. If bullying is ongoing, it can affect the young person's self-esteem and increase social isolation, leading him to become withdrawn, depressed, anxious and insecure. In extreme cases, bullying can have serious and/or long-term consequences including attempted suicide and suicide. Researchers have found that adults who were bullied as teens have higher levels of depression and poorer self-esteem than other adults¹.

How You Can Discourage Bullying

Since teens and tweens often show no outward signs that they are having problems, it is important to communicate with your son or daughter about the time he/she spends at school and with peers. Be a good listener. If your teen admits he is being bullied, remain calm, and allow time for him to tell you how he feels.

After you have heard what your son or daughter has to say , ask yourself if this is serious enough to discuss with the teacher, school counsellor, principal or police.

Psychologists who have focused their attention on school bullying have identified certain behaviours that attract bullies, and developed a set of guidelines/suggestions that help discourage bullying. You may wish to discuss these with your teen or tween. These guidelines may also be of value for older children who have not experienced bullying, as a preventive measure.

Stay calm and cool. If someone begins to bully or harass you, stay as calm as possible. By their very nature, bullies want to see a reaction. Depriving them of this is likely to make you less of a target. Do not retaliate against a bully or let the bully see how much he or she has upset you. If possible, you can use humour to diffuse the situation. (If name calling is hurtful and ongoing, it is difficult to simply brush it off with a witty comment. In this case, share your concerns with a parent, counsellor, or other adult and ask him or her to help you plan a course of action.)

In the case of cyberbullies, simply ignoring instant messages and emails will likely cause them to cease, since the sender is waiting to see your hurt or angry reaction.

Act confident. Nothing deters a bully more than someone with self-confidence. It helps to remember that bullies want to hurt you to make themselves feel better. Hold your head up, stand straight, make eye contact and walk tall. You are far less likely to be the target of a bully if you project self-confidence.

Stay in the company of friends. Try to make friends with other students. Bullies are more likely to leave you alone if you are with your friends. This is particularly true if you and your friends stick up for one another.

Avoid being alone. Whenever possible, avoid situations where bullying is more likely to happen, such as when you are alone. If bullying occurs on the way to or from school, you may want to take a different route, leave at a different time, or find people to walk to and from school with. When bullying occurs at school, avoid areas that are isolated or unsupervised by adults, and stay in the company of friends as much as you can.

Share with adults. There is nothing shameful or uncool about being bullied. There is also no reason to fear reprisals if you report a bully. School staff are well aware that bullies often use the threat of reprisal as a deterrent to reporting their bad behaviour. It is particularly important to report bullying if it is likely to lead to physical danger and harm. Adults in positions of authority (parents, teachers, counsellors, coaches) often find ways to resolve bullying without the bully ever finding out how they found out about it.

Sexual Matters

Most adults admit they are uncomfortable discussing sexual matters with their older child. Many simply assume that their child will learn it all from sex-ed classes at school, or from friends, just as they did.

Although your son or daughter may learn all about the physical side of sex from school or friends, the questions left unanswered are usually those that focus on moral beliefs and/or religious implications.

While it may seem unlikely, growing up children need to hear from their parents what their beliefs are, and to discuss their own opinions and concerns as openly as possible. A teenaged boy, for example, may feel pressured into asking a girl for sex when he himself does not feel ready, and may benefit from the advice of a trusted and respected adult. Girls may feel likewise pressured and find themselves in a situation they cannon cope with. Open conversation without criticism can help your child express him/herself and find a solution that is comfortable.

1. Olweus D. (1994). Bullying at school: long-term outcomes for the victims and an effective school-based intervention program. In: L.R. Huesmann, ed. Aggressive Behavior: Current Perspectives. New York, New York: Plenum Press, 97-130

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